Understand the bond between the helper and the helped
Everyone that needs help would be excited at every opportunity to get the help they need. Have you ever thought of the experiences of those that offer to help?
Many people have had unpleasant experiences in a bid to help. It may have affected some, but others have persevered in doing good regardless of some disappointing experiences. However, it is very crucial not to mismanage the contributor-beneficiary relationship. Treating those that help with respect will encourage them and also increase their willingness to do more. Some people are in need because someone abused the privilege of help and robbed many others of the same.
An employee that lost his job or business may approach some friends, colleagues or neighbours for a loan. They gave him what he requested, but also terms and conditions to guide the relationship. The employee signed the document, took the money and began to use it.
Eventually, his circumstances improved, and the loan was due to be repaid either totally or gradually, but he decided to renege on the agreement. He was out of reach. They helped in the time of need, but they now have to be chasing him to get their money back. He was always available when he needed help, out of sight after he got help. It is not a wise thing to do.
It is crucial to respect the terms and conditions of the relationship. Remember, they helped in your time of need. It is only respectful to honour the agreement to which you were both bound. If anything has gone wrong, let them know, you may get more help than when you disappear. If you cannot keep the agreement, do not receive the support.
Many people want to dictate the conditions, but they never realise they are the ones in need of help. The bank that lends you money dictates the agreement. They set the amount of minimum repayment every month. If you need their assistance, it is on their terms, not yours.
If you borrow a car, it is only reasonable to respect the terms of the owner. You have a need, and they have decided to help you; you should respect their terms otherwise seek support elsewhere.
I once offered a lift to a stranded young man. He was a smoker, but that was not a problem. He wanted to smoke in the car with me. I said to him, I can give you a lift to your destination, but you cannot smoke in the car because I do not smoke. If you need help, you must appreciate that people give you what they have and not what you expect them to have.
I have heard people complain about those that help them, but most often than not, their disappointment is because they want to impose their terms or preferences on those that want to help. If you need help and people are ready to assist, it is wise to honour them by respecting their terms. If you cannot respect their conditions, do not get their help.
If you got free accommodation, the owner expects you to keep it clean. Some may consider it strange, but he only expects you to keep it the same way he would or the same way he expects you to if it were yours. He is not making any money from you, but you are using his property. If you cannot make it better, do not make it worse.
A family may welcome you to their home to help you in time of need. They provide food and shelter. They may decide to give you as much liberty to make you comfortable, but you should not forget that they deserve to be respected, and you cannot impose your preferences on them. They could be happy to accept your choices, but you should not abuse the privilege. They are only helping you.
Some young people frustrate the efforts of their parents. They live with their parents, eat free food, pay no bills, and desire to dictate for others to follow. They gave you liberty, so you have a sense of belonging but should not be abused. You have rights but remember someone else is taking responsibility for you, bearing a cost that you cannot yet afford and shouldering risks on your behalf. They deserve that honour.
If you become independent and do not need them, you can exercise your rights as you like. In most cases, parents labour so hard to give the best to their children. It is not wise to despise their efforts.
You may have always enjoyed an affluent lifestyle, but there is a change in your circumstances that meant you need support. A friend or relative decides to help, but he/she may not afford the same lifestyle. If you are not happy to enjoy what he has or can afford, it is better to leave him alone. He is only helping you.
Many helpers have been frustrated because of people that do not have understanding. We know you were rich, but everything has gone pear-shaped. You now need help, but the person helping you does not have the responsibility to maintain your former lifestyle. He can only provide what he can afford —to probably get you back on your feet or till you understand the lessons that made things change for you.
Some children complain so much about their parents. There is nothing good enough. They want everything, especially what others have. Most parents, if not all, will do their best for their children, but if you have not had a good experience, recognise that they are doing all they know to do to help you. Many only get to appreciate the sacrifices when they get to the position of responsibility. If you cannot take full responsibility for your life and actions, respect those that support you.
The government supports citizens to the best of their ability. Admittedly, some do more than others, but whatever they do is help and should be appreciated by contributing the required quota to fulfil civic responsibilities.
Are you the helper or the helped? You will do well to respect the agreement that binds you together.
To be continued next week, don’t miss it.
Thank you for investing time to read this post. I hope you have found it valuable. I will be glad to hear from you. Please leave a comment below and share.
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